Reading 'Something Stinks in Stilton'

The year is still young, but I'm confident in saying that Something Stinks in Stilton will be the best dairy-based D&D adventure of 2016. It may also be one of the best adventures for any systems with any subject that I read this year.

Officially published as the eighth issue of The Undercroft, Something Stinks in Stilton is written and illustrated by Oli Palmer with editing and layout by Daniel Sell. Anxious P delivers a cover that perfectly captures the grotesque weirdness of the adventure. Designed for low level player characters and set in the early 18th century, Stilton fits very well into the LotFP family of products, and I would even go as far as to say that it is a quintessential adventure for the game, encapsulating everything that makes LotFP different than other versions of D&D.

Something Stinks in Stilton is an investigative adventure and it excels at guiding the player characters forward without removing any sense of agency. There are many little moving parts and characters for the players to interact with, each gently adding more depth to the mystery. There isn't so much detail that the referee will be overwhelmed or that the players will feel railroaded. I think that this investigative mode is what makes LotFP different than any other D&D clone, and this is something that the game has tried to get right from the beginning with adventures such as No Dignity in Death: The Three Brides, but I haven't seen it so well realized until this publication.

Daniel Sell's layout should be commended for adding a significant degree of functionality to the adventure. He has printed key words and phrases in red and bold text, making it pop from the page. Although this isn't a new practice in the world of RPGs, he did do a remarkable job of picking the perfect words to highlight. They draw the referee's eyes to the specific place on the page to get more key information on the fly, rather than needing to pause to scan the entire page.

The content of the adventure is weird and fucked up and really quite funny. I don't want to spoil anything here but I do think that any player who experiences this adventure will forever be leary of any food or livestock they encounter for then on.

For 2016 one of my resolutions is to not run any published adventures, but rather make them up on my own. Reading Something Stinks in Stilton makes me question this decision because it has all the things I was missing from published adventures: a functional layout, a cast of fun and strange NPCs, and a great plot hook. This will likely be the first game I run in 2017.

You can buy a print copy of Something Stinks in Stilton at Daniel Sell's store. You can also get the PDF at RPGNow.com. I got my copy as part of my subscription to The Undercroft, something I highly recommend getting.

Mandela Effect, A Spell for LotFP Modern

MANDELA EFFECT
Magic-User Level 1
Duration: 1 Hour/level
Range: Global
By casting this spell the magic-user is able to change one inconsequential detail about the world. For the duration of the spell this change will have always been true and no evidence to the contrary exists.  The caster will know the truth of the matter, as will any persons aware of the spell being cast and the intended effect. Any other characters will make a saving throw against magic. Success of this throw means that character has retained all memories of the original reality and will not be able to fully accept the new "truth," although they can be convinced of having misremembered the details.

The change in reality must be minuscule and cannot effect any past events although the change will be made throughout time. Once the duration of the spell is over, reality will snap back to its original state, erasing any evidence of the change. Examples of acceptable changes would be altering the spelling of the Berenstain Bears name, removing Curious George's tail, and changing a line in Disney's Cinderella.

See the below video to watch this spell in action.

Magic Item: The Shewstone of John Dee

This shewstone, also known as a crystal ball, was once owned by the famous occultist John Dee. It appears to be a perfect sphere of clear, polished crystal, and in the center of the crystal is presumably a fragment of curved stone, brown and rough in texture, resembling the carapace of a great spider. The shewstone is always cold to the touch. It was with this stone that Dee and his scryer Edward Kelly famously made contact with celestial entities and received messages from beyond this world.

The shewstone is essential useless without a copy of Dee’s grimoire entitled “A Treatise on the First Language of God-Christ,” which serves as a dictionary and guide to the grammar of the Enochian language, the tongue spoken by the celestials. Copies of this grimoire are excessively rare but may be purchased from shady book dealers, or found in the libraries of wealthy magic-users or collectors of the unusual. Magic-Users with an Intelligence score of 15 or more can make a Language skill check to already be fluent in Enochian.

To use the shewstone scryer must stare intently into the stone and make a saving throw against Magic Devices. If this saving throw is a failure, the scryer will experience nothing, but if it is a success the scryer will enter a trance and receive a message from the extra-dimensional entities. A second party must be present to record the Enochian words uttered by the scryer has he will have no memory of the message upon leaving the trance. The meaning of the utterances must then be translated from Enochian into an understood language.

The nature of the message is dictated by the scryer making saving throws against Magic Devices. These saving throws must be made by the Referee in secret. Each word requires a separate saving throw against Magic Devices and the number of words received is limited to the scryer’s level + Wisdom modifier. The scryer must state how many words they wish to receive before using the shewstone.

A successful saving throw will provide the scryer with a single useful word related to their current situation. This word can a simple clue or nudge towards treasure or survival. A failed save will result in a random word or a deliberately deceitful word that will put the party in danger or contradict the most reasonable course of action. Rolling a 1 on the saving throw will result in the permanent loss of 2d4 points from the scryer’s Intelligence score.

It should be noted that using the shewstone does not result in a conversation between the scryer and the extra-dimensional entities and so asking the shewstone a specific question will unlikely result in a direct answer, even if the resulting message is somehow helpful. In truth, the scryer is simply overhearing the whispers of these entities as they reverberate through the universe. Using the shewstone multiple times will bring the scryer to the attention of these entities, who can be exceedingly wrathful against any violation of natural order.

If the scryer could remember anything of their celestial vision, it would look a bit like this.

It is vital that all saving throws regarding the shewstone be rolled in secret by the Referee. The resulting words, helpful or not, should be given to the players in random order only after the scrying session is over.

Below is a table of words that can used when selecting random results for failed saving throws. It may also be in the best interest of any Referee to also consult this table for any helpful words in case one of the players should also have a copy of this book.

00-01 Division

02-03 Burn

04-05 Morningstar

06-07 Beauty

08-09 Darkness

10-11 Hellfire

12-13 Banish

14-15 Choke

16-17 Candle

18-19 Venus

20-21 Triumphant

22-23 Paradise

24-25 Transform

26-27 Harlot

28-29 Beast

30-31 Kingdom

32-33 Death

34-35 Attack

36-37 Earth

38-39 Daughter

40-41 Deception

42-43 Light

44-45 Diamond

46-47 Worm

48-49 Guardian

50-51 Obedience

52-53 Silence

54-55 Face

56-57 Air

58-59 Fire

60-61 Mountain

62-63 Ocean

64-65 Skull

66-67 Magus

68-69 Mars

70-71 Gathering

72-73 Judgement

74-75 Sword

76-77 Mercury

78-79 Conqueror

80-81 Aether

82-83 Torch

84-85 Lucifer

86-87 Millstone

88-89 Water

90-91 Babylon

92-93 Remember

94-95 Voice

97-97 Sleep

98-99 Wings

James le Crochet, Pirate King of Voivodja

Although the country of Voivodja is surrounded on all sides by jagged mountains and twisted forests, some of her many channels empty out on a misty lagoon, where adventures will discover a settlement of pirates. The shanty village along the coast is unimpressive, especially compared to the immense ship anchored not far from shore. This ship is the size of a palace, complete with towers reaching to the heavens, is the home of James le Crochet, the Pirate King of Voivodja.

le Crochet is a wealthy and charismatic leader of his pirate band, although his face is heavily scared and his eyes seem to bulge from the sockets. He wears only the finest clothing, usually dyed a rich shade of blue, his favorite color. The same applies to his long beard and the deathly sharp hook on his left hand, crafted from blue steel.

Although he is a ruthless pirate and bootlegger, he is best known for the many wives he has taken, all of which have disappeared under mysterious circumstances. There is an official record of the 300+ wives le Crochet has married and the reasons for their disappearances or deaths, but many suspect that the pirate lord has killed every one for his own nefarious purposes. He has also been blamed for the abductions of countless children from the Orb Loc, including those children kept in wells.

It is true that le Crochet is killing his wives and the children, but few know the details of these atrocities. Each murder is done as a scarifies to Satrune, the crocodile god of tides and time. The monstrous demon-god demands tribute of brides and children, and as such has instilled in le Crochet an insatiable lust for women and an unquenchable hatred for children. As a devoted worshiper of Satrune, le Crochet is a level-5 magic user with an expertise in demonology and diabolism.

His greatest enemy is the one wife who has escaped is grasp, Joan de Pan. In order to flee the sea palace, de Pan removed le Crochet's left hand with a cleaver, resulting in the hook-hand that would become his trademark, She has sworn vengeance on the pirate and has amassed a small army of Lost Men who roam the forests of Voivodja, killing vampires and pirates with extreme prejudice. It is rumored the de Pan has become skilled in shadow magic and has the ability to soar like a raven on the wind. The mere mention of Joan de Pan is enough to send le Crochet into a blood-thirsty rage.

Although he owes no allegiance to either the Heart Queen or the Red King, he will gladly accept mercenary work and trade with either of the warring factions. He would give anything for the opportunity to wed either the Heart Queen or the Colorless Queen in order to sacrifice their vampiric existence to his demon lord. If this means seeking favor from the queens or working underhandedly with the Red King, so be it.

Feathered Swine Mini-Supplement: What Happens When You Eat the Mushrooms?

I don't know about your players, but when mine find themselves in a cave filled with strange mushrooms they will not hesitate to shove one of them into their mouths. This was one of the first course of actions taken when they arrived in area XII of "The Sleeping Place of the Feathered Swine." Because I plan on running the module again and I am pretty sure that mushroom eating will occur again, I have made the following chart for the effects of each mushroom on the humanoid body.

1. Drooping Moonshade: Save vs Poison or DC 15 Fortitude Save. Failure causes 1d4 damage. Success causes shroud of unnatural darkness to obscure the body of the eater for 1d10 minutes.
2. Deliquescent Bluecap: Will cause violent vomiting within 1d6 minutes after being consumed. The vomit will be a vivid green color.
3. Inner Sea Veincap: Save vs Poison or DC 12 Fortitude Save. Failure causes 1 point of damage. Success results in faint glowing of skin that lasts for 1d4 hours. Natural 20 on saving throw results in eyes of the eater glowing bright blue and gaining perfect darkvision for 1d4 hours.
4. Purple Hypnagog: See original description.
5. Ruby Tears of Mercy: Results in a temporary immunity to ingested poisons for 1d6 days.
6. Screaming Puffball: No immediate effects, however the bowel movements and flatulence of the character will have a floral scent for 24 hours.

"The Sleeping Place of the Feathered Swine" can be acquired on RPGNow for whatever price you want.

Reading No Salvation For Witches

Anyone who passed up on the Pay-What-You-Want campaign for this book is going to feel bad.

No Salvation for Witches (henceforth referred to as NSFW) bursts from the twisted mind of Rafael Chandler like a hungry botfly larva, bringing forth blood and pain that is sure to infest any campaign it touches. It may be the quintessential Lamentations of the Flame Princess adventure, at least after the publisher settled on its historical, anti-Tolkien setting. Everything is terrifying and wants to kill you. Don't touch anything because it's probably not worth the sanity-shattering effects. And if you happen to make it out alive, the entire world will be thrown into chaos. It's a beautiful adventure.

It's hard to talk about the content of the adventure without risking spoilers, so I will tread very lightly. The main hook is that the player characters will find themselves stuck in a magical dome that is centered on a small priory. A sect of revolutionary witches have taken over and have begun to perform a ritual that will change the entire world, but it is already having dire effects on the locals. Horror is everywhere. With it's terrifying monsters and horrible visions, NSFW is an excellent choice for a Halloween game session.

NSFW is probably the first of LotFP's adventures that I actually want to run in the pseudo-historical setting rather than converting it to some sort of weird fantasy world. The paranoia, feudalism and misogyny of 17th century England is pretty important to the tone of NSFW. I suppose it could fit in a backwards, isolated community in a high-fantasy world, but it will be hard to justify a dragonborn or tiefling character when a woman's literacy or choice in fabric is enough to label her a witch.

The book itself is 64 pages long, but that is not to say that it is a massive, epic adventure that will take up multiple sessions. The page count largely is due to the formatting and design of the pages, which means larger text and a helpful amount of white space. Unlike many adventures, I could see running much of NSFW right out of the book rather than notes. That is not so say that NSFW is a low-prep module. It isn't, as plainly stated in the author's introduction. There are many NPCs, creatures and items in the small area around the priory, and it would serve the GM to be ready for anything.

Reading The Sleeping Place of the Feathered Swine

Anyone familiar with Logan Knight's Last Gasp Grimoire will not be surprised at the level of horror and despair that this module subjects its victims. Well, maybe they would be surprised. This cave is pretty fucking evil.

I won't go into the plot of the adventure, but I will just say that this is essentially Dead Space in medieval fantasy land. It's scary, gross and claustrophobic. Reminds me more of Alien and The Descent than anything related to D&D.

What really sets this module apart is just how usable it is right out of the gate. The map is small and makes sense. The area descriptions are succinct, conversational and what I presume is intended as boxed text (descriptions in much larger font) is actually worth reading aloud. The boxed text lines are short and incredibly descriptive, usually focusing on senses other than sight and sound. Knight does an incredible job cranking up the creepiness of the cave by focusing on how it smells and feels.

The PDF is formatted for electronic devices such as a tablet or laptop, with helpful hyperlinks throughout the text. There is no endless scrolling in order to make the PDF work at the table. Printed out, the format would work well as a booklet. The single column format is great in that you'll have a hard time getting lost on the page, as tends to happen to me when I run anything with pages filled with double-column, small text.

I also appreciate how Knight approaches his monster stats. Rather than giving them once, either when they first appear or in the back, the stat blocks are present with every occurrence of the monsters and in the appendix. No flipping necessary. This is revolutionary.

These motherfuckers are nasty.

Other key features of this module are a handful of body-horror spells, magic items that will punish the players for placing greed over common sense, practical rules for light sources and a nice table for random, occasionally semi-magical mushrooms. And player hand-outs.

I'm very excited to run this module because after reading through it only once, I know I could run the hell out of it. No need to write notes for the table. No need to simplify the map. No need to write the monster stats on an index card. Just open the file/booklet and go. I want to see more modules like this. Minimalist, simple, functional.

The adventure is written for Lamentations of the Flame Princess, so be sure to convert your silver to gold and subtract two from the AC when you use it with any other elfgame.

Download The Sleeping Place of the Feathered Swine from RPGNow and pay what you want.

Magical Item: Jewel of Whispers/The Dream Thief

The following is an "item" I wrote up for a contest James Raggi was having about a year ago. It wouldn't have seen the light of day, but today is Awesome Gamer Day and I want to share some stuff I've made.

Appearing as a large uncut ruby (150 sp), the artifact known as the Jewel of Whispers actually a creature that steals from those poor souls in its proximity by invading their dreams and removing from reality something related to the dream. However, the Jewel of Whispers does not simply steal from its victims. It also imparts ancient occult knowledge and prophecies to those who can listen.

The Jewel of Whispers will begin to affect the sleep of anyone who looks into the ruby in such a way that his shadow falls upon the stone. From that point on, the character’s dreams will be haunted by the jewel any time he sleeps within one mile of the artifact.

If struck with a silver weapon, the ruby will become fleshy and will be cut or crushed like a simple piece of meat. This artifact is in all actuality an ancient creature known as the Dream Thief. It is unknown if there is only one Dream Thief or if there is an entire race.

Any individuals under the spell of the Jewel of Whispers will have the same dream and suffer the same effect as dictated by the table below.

Nightmare and Effect Table

1d12
1	A vampire drains the blood of the dreamer as they lay paralyzed in bed. Upon waking, the dreamers will find that they have lost all blood from their body and will promptly die.
2	Opening a small chest, dreamers find their most valued childhood possession broken. Upon waking, the dreamers find their most valuable piece of jewelry or gemstone missing.
3	Dreaming of a great feast of their favorite foods, the dreamers find the beetles and maggots have infested every plate. Upon waking, the dreamers will find all food within a mile of the Jewel rotten.
4	Crows peck and gore at the eyes of the restrained dreamers. Upon waking the dreamers will find their eyes to be missing from their sockets.
5	Wandering in the wilderness, the dreamers watch in horror as insects blot out the sun. Upon waking, the dreamers find that all torches, lanterns and other sources of light will not take a flame.
6	Running from a shadowy creature, the dreamers finds that their legs are slow and sluggish. Upon waking, the dreamers find that their footwear is missing.
7	The dreamers see themselves as great steeds in a herd of wild horses. The herd is attacked and slaughtered by a pack of wolves. Upon waking, the dreamers will find all mounts missing.
8	Wandering through a vast desert, the dreamers come across an oasis. As they try  to drink from the pool, the water turns to sand in their mouths. Upon waking, the dreamers find that all drinking water within a mile has evaporated.
9	The dreamers suffer in agony as a legion of spiders hatch and pour from each ear. Upon waking, they find that they have been struck deaf as their eardrums are now missing.
10	At a great feast, the dreamers’ teeth begin to fall out as they eat and drink. Upon waking the dreamers’ teeth will be missing.
11	In a dream that seems to last an eternity, the dreamers plant tree after tree, only to have each one wither and die. Upon waking, all objects made of paper or wood are rotten. This includes spell books.
12	Finding themselves hideously deformed, the dreamers are shunned by friends and family. Children throw rocks at them and women flee from their sight. Upon waking, they will find any and all retainers missing.

Magic-Users under the spell of the Jewel of Whispers will learn a random spell each night of the Spell Level indicated by the following table. The spell learned is up to the Referee’s discretion. Each individual Magic-User roll for his own result.

Magic-User Spell Teaching Table

3d6	Spell Learned in Slumber
3	Random Level 9 Spell
4-5	Random Level 7 Spell
6-7	Random Level 5 Spell
8-9	Random Level 3 Spell
10-11	Random Level 1 Spell
12-13	Random Level 2 Spell
14-15	Random Level 4 Spell
15-16	Random Level 6 Spell
17-18	Random Level 8 Spell

Each Cleric under the spell of the Jewel will receive a prophecy from an avatar of their god during the dream. There is a 50% chance that the prophecy will be true, although the execution of the prophecy is up to the Referee’s discretion. Each individual Cleric rolls for his own result.

Cleric Prophecy Table

1d12	Prophecy
1	The dead will rise in the east.
2	The woman in white shall usher forth end.
3	A black cat will reveal the hidden truth.
4	The hermit will tell only lies, his mind clouded by the chattering of insects.
5	The whore will birth the queen. The queen with birth the sun.
6	Blood will be spilled upon the altar of the lost god.
7	Only the blind and the lame will see the final majesty.
8	Death await behind the fifth door.
9	A plague with rise in the west.
10	All great houses fall before the glory of the throne.
11	A blue man will bring great fortune and great sickness.
12	A dwarf will become king. A minstrel will become Pope.

The Order of Locusts

The following is a "monster" I wrote up for a contest James Raggi was having about a year ago. It wouldn't have seen the light of day, but today is Awesome Gamer Day and I want to share some stuff I've made.

Many believe the Order of the Locust to be boogymen dreamt up by academics who have lost their grip on reality after years of combing through volumes upon volumes of apocalyptic prophecy. It is said that the Order of the Locust is a mysterious cult that seeks out any works or artifacts pertaining to the end of the world. In order to collect works of prophecy and revelation, the Order of the Locust will use any means necessary, including murder.

Those who have recorded their encounters with this cult have corroborated the following facts. Only one member of the cult ever appears at one time, whether they are assassinating the holder of an eschatological work or attempting to steal it quietly. The cultists come from all walks of life, from simple farmers to skilled soldiers to members of the clergy. The one common trait between cultists is the three fresh puncture wounds on the back of the neck.

The name of the Order was coined three centuries ago by a prominent eschatologist. Although he could not ascertain the motivation of the Order, the apocalyptic nature of the cult was clear, thus it was named after an insect that plays a prominent role in many end world prophecies.

The Order of the Locust has taken interest in apocalyptic works from various cultures and religions, although it does not appear to have much interest in the popular narrative of the Book of Revelations or the works of the Gnostic Christians. It also appears that the Order takes some interest in works of occult science that pose a threat to the world itself.

The Truth of the Order

There is no such thing as the Order of Locusts. The people who appear to do its work are not part of a shadow society, but rather are under the possession of a single demonic entity.

This entity is compelled to collect and physically consume eschatological works and artifacts. Books are read and then torn to shreds before being eaten by the host. Statues and stone tablets are crushed and ground into dust so that they may be poured down the gullet of the possessed. Metal statues are to be melted down for easier consumption. Individuals who have expert knowledge in apocalyptic studies will find they brains to be a suitable meal for the demon.

The demonic entity has no identity of its own and does not seek out apocalyptic works for any precise reason. When asked for a reason, the entity will reply that it collects prophecies “to prepare.” It cannot go into more detail as there is no other motivation. While the entity has little concept of itself, it has an excellent memory and will engage in conversation with any individual that it encounters more than once.

Although the entity has no sense of identity, exorcisms will be more powerful if the cleric names the demon “Murmur.” Also, killing a host using silver or blessed weapons will leave the entity too weak to possess another host for 2d6 weeks.